Forgiveness is something we all know we should do. We’ve been taught at a young age to forgive, but we rarely recognize that forgiveness isn’t just to other people, but it’s for ourselves. In this post, I question, have you forgiven yourself?
I sat on my living room couch wearing my usual, an oversized shirt and sweat pants, trying to hide beneath layers of cloth like I can escape what I know is under there. The hidden secrets of not only my outward appearance but everything I’ve ever done stored deep down in my soul.
I had just gotten home from counseling, my mind spinning with thoughts and questions and at the same time planning an escape. I don’t want to do this – I don’t want to go to those places, I want to run away, start again, break free.
My body begins to shake as I brace myself into the couch, hoping it can hide my fears, my pain. I feel the shaking release into a geyser of tears that never seem to end. Can I forgive myself?
All I wanted was to hide, to fit into the puzzle of humanity without ever really being seen – you know the deep kind of seen where people experience the real you.
Honestly, I didn’t know the “real” me, which escalated my fears. If I couldn’t love her, how could somebody else? And did I even want to go back, to face her, whoever she may be?
Can I forgive myself?
It’s the question that kept coming up – over and over, why was it so difficult.
Not two months prior, I made a list of all the people I felt I needed to seek forgiveness from and to forgive. Slowly, I’ve learned that forgiveness isn’t an act of freeing the other person from what they’ve done – and it’s never a pat on the back to say what was is okay.
No forgiveness is something deeper something personal; it’s for you just as much or more than them. And that’s the same for you.
Unfortunately, forgiveness is never easy, but it did get easier as I worked myself through my list. Slowly, courageous, bravely, I scratched the names off as I wrote personal letters of forgiveness to each one.
But me, I was never on my list. I never even questioned the possibility that I needed to forgive myself – until I realized that the person I most needed to forgive was me.
Today, on the podcast, we talk about forgiveness, why it matters not just mentally but physically as well. Inside, I interview one of the most beautiful humans on earth, Amy VanSlambrook as we dive deep into a series of questions that encourage the deep healing. The places on the steps of your soul where nobody goes. We go there.
forgiving myself
It never occurred to me, that forgiving myself was something that needed to be done. That’s why I write this because I hope it helps you recognize forgiving yourself as a necessary thing.
Maybe you’re questioning what you would need to forgive yourself for, how this is possible and why it matters. Don’t worry; I’ve played all of those cards, only the deeper I dug, the more I realized that not forgiving myself could be one of the most harmful things to the state of my health. Not just my physical health, but my relational health as well.
The good news, forgiveness isn’t a tricky business. It’s not even complicated though we’d like to make it because its not the most comfortable place to sit. Forgiveness is an act, a choice that is as simple as a few words.
what to forgive
The hardest part is recounting what you need to forgive. Because in this comes pain, embarrassment, and shame. But you’re brave now, and I can assure you there is hope in the pain. The other side is the place you’ve been striving for so long.
But what it is that needs forgiving can look a little different for everyone. For me, I needed to forgive my body for failing me or what I perceived as failing. I needed to forgive it of the weight gain, the stretch marks, the choice that I made that lead to a c-section. To forgive myself for things I’ve said and actions I’ve taken that have hurt other people.
I needed to forgive myself for the perfection I tried hard to achieve but failed miserably at.
I don’t know what it is for you, maybe the failed diet attempt, the lack of movement, the disrespect or the hurtful words you’ve slung at yourself daily. My guess is, we’ve all been harder on ourselves than anyone else we’re around. Sometimes we’re downright mean to ourselves.
But nows your time, your chance and trust me it makes a difference. Will you choose to forgive yourself?
Five fighting words
All it takes is five words; I forgive myself for _____ {fill in the blank}. Go ahead and try it. I call these fighting words because if you want to fight for your health, for your joy, you’ll learn the simple act of forgiveness.
Try it out for yourself.
I forgive myself for_________
I forgive myself for_________
Because just as forgiveness can help the other person heal, it may help you more. Don’t discount the need to forgive yourself.
it changed my view
Forgiveness is a brave thing, I’m certain of that. Take the cross, the ultimate act of bravery. The place where forgiveness is bread as blood poured out for you, for me. To be freed of everything through one man, one God who came to free us of what He knew would destroy us in the most brutal act of humanity ever to be.
I knew about Jesus forgiveness, I’ve even asked for it, daily and I hope you do too.
Because we’re all sinners, desperately in need of a rescuer. But what I didn’t recognize about self-forgiveness that would change my relationship with the one who freely forgives so that we can have life – is how deeply he loves us.
I always knew God loved us. Certainly, He would have to, to die a death such He did, just for us. But I didn’t grasp the urgency of it, the beauty of it until I forgave myself. It was in this forgiveness that I started to recognize not just His forgiveness but His deep and profound love. The love that stirred the act on the cross in the beginning.
Forgiveness isn’t just an act but the purest form of love that we know.
And once you forgive yourself, like really deep down forgive, you’ll start to see the beauty and the wonder you were created to be. You’ll see you matter, even if you don’t have thigh gap, That you’re perfectly and wonderfully made, even with stretch marks.
You are loved, and in that, you can love – even yourself.
Seek forgiveness from the One who is Love, ask Jesus to show you how and then forgive yourself, in the act of love knowing that you matter.
resources from the show
As Amy said on the show, this healing can be hard to do on your own. Personally, I’ve enlisted the help of numerous therapist and have gained profound knowledge and healing with the help of others. Don’t do this alone but invest in someone you can trust to help walk you through the process.
Amy is a great resource, counselor and therapist whom I would put my full trust in. She offers a range of services and programs if you’re looking for some guidance in this healing journey.
To learn more about Amy, check out what she offers here.
Other resources from the show:
- 5 Ways to End Negative Self Talk and Change Your Health
- Homecoming: Reclaiming and Healing Your Inner Child
resources
Make sure you go check out all that Mikaela Schaeffer offers over on her webpage.
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